This post has been inspired by a twitter conversation the girls had recently. I needed to blog about this to fully weigh in on the situation.
friend 1:
Once you define your ideal significant other, it's pretty hard to settle for anything less.
me:
effing word hole! thats why the girls shouldnt give us crap gosh! [LOL I love how I try to be cool]
friend 2:
AND THAATT IS WHYYY... HAHAH I hope your "ideals" are flexible...
friend 3:
don't settle for anything less but also be open to other things. Don't look for perfect because it doesn't exist.
I must beg to differ. I've said this many times, but I absolutely, positively believe that perfect exists. It exists for you. It exists for me. But perfect exists for us in different ways. What I look for in perfect, what I consider perfect, what I need for perfect clearly pertains only to me. What you consider perfect is constructed based on your needs, wants, and desires. Thus, I don't think anyone should measure perfect based on someone else's model.
And since your idea of perfect pertains specifically to yourself, you should never, ever, ever, compromise. And that includes settling. Because that means you are devaluing something that you inherently value.
It's like saying, well, my faith and relationship in God is really important to me and is something I value, so ideally, the person I'm with should value their relationship with God as well. But when upon meeting someone you really like, you come to find out they are an agnostic--but you really like them, so you compromise on that point in order to stay with that person.
Or, you can say that you really value your relationship with your family, but find someone who has completely turned their back on their family and only cares about what they are doing.
Or, you take a strong stance against drug use. Or gambling. Or smoking. Do you compromise these things because the person you like does them?
Personally, I don't understand this. Why should you set a standard for yourself, then excuse it in the behavior in another person? Why should I make allowances for certain things that I would never allow for myself? Also, if I care about something deeply, why would I compromise that in the future boyfriend/fiance/husband? That doesn't make sense.
I am, of course, talking about bigger issues. Hair color, height, weight, favorite types of music, favorite movies---all of those things, I think, can absolutely be compromised. And, with things likes drugs, gambling, smoking--all habit forming--I think this becomes a problem when it becomes a problem. If they happened to steal a comic book--or even tore pages out of a Tiger Beat when they were 12 because it had colored pictures of Justin Timberlake-- I'm not saying that you should just dump the person and head for the hills. No, that's crazy. What I am saying is that if they are drinking excessively every night, or going out gambling every night... there's clearly a problem.
But going back to the question of settling. I just don't understand why someone would settle. Why would you sell yourself short? We all want to best for our girlfriends. We want them to be happy with a person who perfectly compliments them. You'd never let your good friend end up with a person that she was settling for. And if we care about our friends to such an extent, shouldn't we care for ourselves even more? Shouldn't you want the very best for yourself?
The next point I want to make is that everyone should stay with their own standards and not give into this really ambiguous, and ultimately meaningless, notion of The Perfect Guy/Girl. Here, I agree with friend 3; you can't find happiness if you are trying to find a person that fits into a mold constructed by what you think you SHOULD look for in a potential relationship. That list, that model of perfection, doesn't exist and shouldn't matter to you because that's not what you are looking for anyway.
To sum up, I just want to end with something I got from an asian drama I watched [and reason number 1 why asian dramas are so so good to watch]. No one can, nor ought to be your everything. There will always be something that just doesn't fit. Too short, too fat, too loud, not loud enough, too young, too old, weird job, weird friends...etc etc etc. So pick the things you can't live without, and let everything else fall away. The things you can't live without, those are the things that make up your perfection, and you should never compromise them.
MIRTH:
Blogging the delicious, the inane, the delightful, and the laughs of a twenty-something.
Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
kismet
I just realized that I have yet to account for perhaps one of the more memorable moments of the whole of my existence (oh yeah, I'm taking this blog post to that level of dramatic flair): the meeting between myself and theWesleyChan.
but first, some background.
who he is: one-third of Wong Fu Productions, a small independent production company.
what he does: He writes, directs, edits, and occasionally acts in short films, music videos, and mockumentaries. Wong Fu employs social networks and websites to promote their work, most notably YouTube. He also designs T-shirts for their clothing brand, areyouaniceguy.com.
why I love him: What's not to love? he's a talented and driven individual. I'm seriously not kidding when I say that seeing someone with a passion, and watching them as they pursue that passion to the end is just so gosh darn attractive. people don't give enough credit to that quality in a person. but respect and admiration go a long way. much longer than looks or the vigor of youth.
I've watched many (all?) of their videos on youtube and have grown to like them a lot. I follow wong fu on twitter. I check their website. I am part of their official group on facebook. Oh yes, I like them very much so.
So how happy was I when I found out that they were coming to San Diego on 4.3.2010 as part of their Spring speaking tour on college campuses. No, they weren't going to be at SDSU, but UCSD is just as good (and their alma mater). Only wait, what's this? They are going to be the keynote speakers of a Intercollegiate Taiwanese American Students Association event. And you had to buy tickets because it was a hosted dinner. Just my luck that I am not Taiwanese and certainly can't pass for being so, I don't attend UCSD, and sorry, but the $50 event ticket is just not something I am willing to pay. So what's a girl to do?
That's right. Crash it baby!
The good news is that the event was being held at a restaurant, Jasmine, in Clairemont. I called a few days earlier and tried to make reservations to see if we could at least get in the same building as them. What do you know, they take my reservations. Looks like I'd be meeting Wong Fu afterall.
The restaurant was partitioned by retractable walls to designate the normal eating area, and the private event. We sat on the other side of the wall, eavesdropping like crazy to try and figure what was going on. And honestly, I was so, so nervous and giddy with excitement and anticipation of whether or not my friends and I could actually pull this off.
My heart swelled the moment I heard my wesley's voice come through the speakers. I think for the whole hour + that we were there, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face if I had tried.
The event ended, and now people were just mulling around waiting in line to take pictures with the guys. My rebel friends, Jazmine and Rachel (bless them), boldly pushed through the door to enter the private event, and I followed. No one said anything to us about it, and we didn't care.
Seeing my wesley in the flesh just about floored me. I honestly don't know how I got through the night.
It was a mad blur of nervous laughter, intense awareness, and eager eager anticipation. My knees were knocking into one another as I got closer to them. Next in line, I awkwardly pushed my way forward. Taking a position next to wesley. I ended up with a solo picture with the wong fu boys after some quick thinking and my selfish reflexives (sorry rachel for pushing you away!).
In the moment, I was trying to remember and savor all these little things about him. what he was wearing, the brands he was wearing, how close he was to me at all times, how much taller he was than me, the feel of his hand as he shook mine, the way he said my name, even the freaking body heat radiating off of him.
Yeah, I'm that creepy.
The night ended with more pictures, another missed encounter at boba, and laughing it up with the girls. such a good night.
Can't wait for it to happen again May 8 in LA!!! ; )
but first, some background.
who he is: one-third of Wong Fu Productions, a small independent production company.
what he does: He writes, directs, edits, and occasionally acts in short films, music videos, and mockumentaries. Wong Fu employs social networks and websites to promote their work, most notably YouTube. He also designs T-shirts for their clothing brand, areyouaniceguy.com.
why I love him: What's not to love? he's a talented and driven individual. I'm seriously not kidding when I say that seeing someone with a passion, and watching them as they pursue that passion to the end is just so gosh darn attractive. people don't give enough credit to that quality in a person. but respect and admiration go a long way. much longer than looks or the vigor of youth.
I've watched many (all?) of their videos on youtube and have grown to like them a lot. I follow wong fu on twitter. I check their website. I am part of their official group on facebook. Oh yes, I like them very much so.
So how happy was I when I found out that they were coming to San Diego on 4.3.2010 as part of their Spring speaking tour on college campuses. No, they weren't going to be at SDSU, but UCSD is just as good (and their alma mater). Only wait, what's this? They are going to be the keynote speakers of a Intercollegiate Taiwanese American Students Association event. And you had to buy tickets because it was a hosted dinner. Just my luck that I am not Taiwanese and certainly can't pass for being so, I don't attend UCSD, and sorry, but the $50 event ticket is just not something I am willing to pay. So what's a girl to do?
That's right. Crash it baby!
The good news is that the event was being held at a restaurant, Jasmine, in Clairemont. I called a few days earlier and tried to make reservations to see if we could at least get in the same building as them. What do you know, they take my reservations. Looks like I'd be meeting Wong Fu afterall.
The restaurant was partitioned by retractable walls to designate the normal eating area, and the private event. We sat on the other side of the wall, eavesdropping like crazy to try and figure what was going on. And honestly, I was so, so nervous and giddy with excitement and anticipation of whether or not my friends and I could actually pull this off.
My heart swelled the moment I heard my wesley's voice come through the speakers. I think for the whole hour + that we were there, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face if I had tried.
The event ended, and now people were just mulling around waiting in line to take pictures with the guys. My rebel friends, Jazmine and Rachel (bless them), boldly pushed through the door to enter the private event, and I followed. No one said anything to us about it, and we didn't care.
Seeing my wesley in the flesh just about floored me. I honestly don't know how I got through the night.
It was a mad blur of nervous laughter, intense awareness, and eager eager anticipation. My knees were knocking into one another as I got closer to them. Next in line, I awkwardly pushed my way forward. Taking a position next to wesley. I ended up with a solo picture with the wong fu boys after some quick thinking and my selfish reflexives (sorry rachel for pushing you away!).
In the moment, I was trying to remember and savor all these little things about him. what he was wearing, the brands he was wearing, how close he was to me at all times, how much taller he was than me, the feel of his hand as he shook mine, the way he said my name, even the freaking body heat radiating off of him.
Yeah, I'm that creepy.
The night ended with more pictures, another missed encounter at boba, and laughing it up with the girls. such a good night.
Can't wait for it to happen again May 8 in LA!!! ; )
Sunday, April 4, 2010
introducing: my future husband
But it's a good excuse, put our love to use, Baby I know what to do. Baby I, I will love you, I'll love you, I'll love you.
Wesley Chan, I adore you.Currently listening: Kina grannis' Valentine
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
birthday wish list
what I want for my birthday...
and I'm not talking about the shirt. Can he just please pick me already?
and I'm not talking about the shirt. Can he just please pick me already?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
running lists
Everyone has an ideal list of qualities. Some people might even have a deal breakers list. Those things that just kill any potential you see in another person as your potential plus one. these lists can range from the serious, to the irrational:
-smokers, druggies, gamblers, people with addictions in general
-racists, bigots, people who are close minded or prejudiced
-people with tatooes
-people with red hair
-people who are shorter than 5 ft 2 in... etc etc etc
we can even have a list of desired qualities:
-Mr. Darcy...end list.
whatever it is, we all have these sort of lists for desirable qualities in a potential.
I, for one, am all about these sort of lists. Or at least, I used to be. Because whatever list I managed to contrive in my head---of desirable qualities, or undesirable qualities---ultimately became irrelevant in the face of a real relationship with a real person. That is not to say, however, that I don't have standards, or that I've given up on these lists altogether. It's just that my idealism has been tempered a bit by the reality of the complexities inherent in a single person. Running lists, no matter how detailed, do an injustice to a person whose feelings, mannerisms, and ideas change constantly through growth and life experience.
Because whether or not that person meets every single quality on your list of 'desired characteristics' and who manners to avoid all the qualities on the 'deal breakers' list, that even then, it does not signify that a relationship should, or ought, to work out. Meeting, or not meeting, these lists does not make a relationship last, and it definitely does not save a relationship. If anything, they prolong the inevitable end, because we have convinced ourselves that there's no good reason why it shouldn't work out--that there's no legitimate reason why we should break up with our significant other--and why we should stay and stick through it.
Having these sort of lists, I think, are a good sort of skeleton, because like I said before, people should have standards, and should know what it is that they want. But we should recognize the flaws and limits of these lists, and should be honest with ourselves when we feel that something isn't quite right. We might not be able to explain it, to reason through it, but then again, we shouldn't sell ourselves short either.
-smokers, druggies, gamblers, people with addictions in general
-racists, bigots, people who are close minded or prejudiced
-people with tatooes
-people with red hair
-people who are shorter than 5 ft 2 in... etc etc etc
we can even have a list of desired qualities:
-Mr. Darcy...end list.
whatever it is, we all have these sort of lists for desirable qualities in a potential.
I, for one, am all about these sort of lists. Or at least, I used to be. Because whatever list I managed to contrive in my head---of desirable qualities, or undesirable qualities---ultimately became irrelevant in the face of a real relationship with a real person. That is not to say, however, that I don't have standards, or that I've given up on these lists altogether. It's just that my idealism has been tempered a bit by the reality of the complexities inherent in a single person. Running lists, no matter how detailed, do an injustice to a person whose feelings, mannerisms, and ideas change constantly through growth and life experience.
Because whether or not that person meets every single quality on your list of 'desired characteristics' and who manners to avoid all the qualities on the 'deal breakers' list, that even then, it does not signify that a relationship should, or ought, to work out. Meeting, or not meeting, these lists does not make a relationship last, and it definitely does not save a relationship. If anything, they prolong the inevitable end, because we have convinced ourselves that there's no good reason why it shouldn't work out--that there's no legitimate reason why we should break up with our significant other--and why we should stay and stick through it.
Having these sort of lists, I think, are a good sort of skeleton, because like I said before, people should have standards, and should know what it is that they want. But we should recognize the flaws and limits of these lists, and should be honest with ourselves when we feel that something isn't quite right. We might not be able to explain it, to reason through it, but then again, we shouldn't sell ourselves short either.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
wanted: a good man
someone please date me. haha does that sound too desperate?
As much as I go on and on about not believing in soulmates, I still believe in the idea of love. And I particularly believe in love when I see it in other people. Like, for instance, on valentines day when I was at the store and saw this much older man buying a bouquet of flowers for his dear wife. The image of him, standing in line with his buttoned up shirt and slacks that I imagined was his outfit of choice for the last 40 years or so, holding a lovely bouquet of flowers, I broke into a smile. How lucky is she, I thought. How lucky are they both.
And I know it's my own fault for watching too many romantic comedies, and for reading way too much Austen, but I really just want someone to date me! To be clear, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just want to go on dates haha. Maybe I just want someone new to meet. Maybe I want to be wined and dined (<--yes!). All the more better if the date in question was someone funny and kind and witty and driven. Even more points if he resembled a one Fitzwilliam Darcy. Honestly, isn't the best part of a relationship the beginning away? When the two of you are just getting to know each other, but don't know enough yet to really be annoyed? When there isn't anything to fight about except what movie to watch at night. Wait, that line seems familiar. Is that from a movie? It feels like it. haha someone tell me where that's from. You've Got Mail perhaps? :) But what I was trying to say is the beginning of a relationship is the most fun, most exciting time, right? I mean, we're even biologically programed to think so. Someone once told me that when you start dating someone, your body releases a chemical that increases all the sensations associated with liking someone--commonly known as "butterflies." But after 6-8 months, your body stops producing the chemical, and that's why people usually break up after a year. Wait, where was I going with this now that I've just crushed the feel-good mood I was trying to establish with this post? Oh yes, uh, the chemical reaction is just another reason why the beginning is the best. So yes, I want someone to date me. But let's be clear, I have standards. As a reference see Fitzwilliam Darcy. =)
(Dedicated to Ms. Ashley who forced me to post something worthwhile)
As much as I go on and on about not believing in soulmates, I still believe in the idea of love. And I particularly believe in love when I see it in other people. Like, for instance, on valentines day when I was at the store and saw this much older man buying a bouquet of flowers for his dear wife. The image of him, standing in line with his buttoned up shirt and slacks that I imagined was his outfit of choice for the last 40 years or so, holding a lovely bouquet of flowers, I broke into a smile. How lucky is she, I thought. How lucky are they both.
And I know it's my own fault for watching too many romantic comedies, and for reading way too much Austen, but I really just want someone to date me! To be clear, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just want to go on dates haha. Maybe I just want someone new to meet. Maybe I want to be wined and dined (<--yes!). All the more better if the date in question was someone funny and kind and witty and driven. Even more points if he resembled a one Fitzwilliam Darcy. Honestly, isn't the best part of a relationship the beginning away? When the two of you are just getting to know each other, but don't know enough yet to really be annoyed? When there isn't anything to fight about except what movie to watch at night. Wait, that line seems familiar. Is that from a movie? It feels like it. haha someone tell me where that's from. You've Got Mail perhaps? :) But what I was trying to say is the beginning of a relationship is the most fun, most exciting time, right? I mean, we're even biologically programed to think so. Someone once told me that when you start dating someone, your body releases a chemical that increases all the sensations associated with liking someone--commonly known as "butterflies." But after 6-8 months, your body stops producing the chemical, and that's why people usually break up after a year. Wait, where was I going with this now that I've just crushed the feel-good mood I was trying to establish with this post? Oh yes, uh, the chemical reaction is just another reason why the beginning is the best. So yes, I want someone to date me. But let's be clear, I have standards. As a reference see Fitzwilliam Darcy. =)
(Dedicated to Ms. Ashley who forced me to post something worthwhile)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
This is how my heart behaves...
what does it mean to have a great love?
is it heart-pounding in your ears nervousness? is it sweaty palms? is it moments of sheer euphoria? is it mutual? is it unrequited? does it come with crippling sadness? is it every moment of every day? is it conscious? is it deliberate? is it sickening? is it considerate? is it always? is it ever boring? is it found racing in your veins? is it always novel? is it beautiful?
is it the kind of love fairy tales are made of?
I, of all people, should know better. I call myself a cynic, a pessimist, and I am fully aware of the reality of life. And yet I still am, at my best, a ridiculously hopeless--and I mean hopeless--romantic. I won't hardly admit aloud that I like the idea or soulmates--of the idea that two people were made entirely for one another, of destiny, of happily-ever after and all that (I know, I cringe as I read this too).
The worst part of life for people like me, and all you sick romantics, is we are constantly measuring our relationship against the impossible knight in shining armour, Mr. Perfect, or, as I like to call him, Mr. Darcy.
Because...whether we admit it to ourselves, or whether we wear our hearts on our sleeves for the whole world to see... we want that great love. I want that heart-stopping kind of love, those ever illusive moments where something far greater than yourself just overwhelms you and makes you a part of something cosmic and instinctive and awe-some.
So can people like me ever have normal relationships? Sure, I can say that I know the difference between whats real and whats ideal, but that doesn't mean I won't still have expectations or fantasizes inspired by my own Mr. Darcy of what I want out of relationships and what I want from anyone I'm with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dressing up in period costume or purposely trying to create moments of romantic comedies. And I know I shouldn't, because it's incredibly unfair, but I can't help but think...
is this the way it's supposed to be?
Is this my great love? Is this it?
oh, perish the thought. the whole point of Mr. Darcy is that he IS ideal. He is perfect. He is flawless. He lives in a world that is controlled solely by me and my thoughts and my wants and needs. He can always be everything I need. He never fails me. But the boyfriends of the reality kind are a bit different. They have flaws. Lots of them. They have no idea what I'm thinking or needing or feeling. They don't always come through. They can't be my everything.
So where does that leave me? Do I forfeit the dream of the Mr. Darcys and the Mr. McDreamys for the Mr. LetmeDowns and the Mr. MakemeCrys just because the boys of the reality kind have settled for some deficient standard? Must I, in turn, settle? Do I give up on the notion of a perfect feeling of love?
Or is it a matter of shifting my perspective? Mr. Darcy will always be there when I need him, but in the meantime, maybe this reality kind of love is exactly what I'm meant to have. What I'm supposed to experience and perfect in ways I have yet to appreciate.
It may not always be butterflies, or sweaty palms. It may not be an obvious kind of love. It may not be the stuff that fairy tale endings are made of.
But it is a real kind of love. It is a truer kind of love. And that is more than any Mr. knight in shining armour could ever give.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Happiness is __________________________.
For many people, happiness is money, family, friends, fame, love, laughs, moments, the stuff of life.
I, unfortunately, am one of those people who never know they are happy until they are made to be unhappy. so for me, happiness comes in waves of not being unhappy. which is, in itself, pitiful.
I'm in the process of re-evaluating my life because its gotten to the point where its far to complicated for my liking. Its exhausting. so I've gotta look at my wants, needs, goals and that which I can do without. school? oh so necessary. work? ehh I need a job but my place of employment is up for change. family? I'm stuck with them. friends? as cliche as it sounds, they've stuck with me through everything. before I was anything, they were there, so they stay.
the bf? now this is where it gets complicated. its odd though, that I should be thinking this because this is the one part that I thought I would be so sure of, and would never have to reconsider. and so that brings us to the question of why, out of all those aspects, would I even consider ending this relationship? perhaps the easiest answer, and by far the simplest, is that, honestly, I've lived 22 years on my own (with family and friends of course) and have done just fine. I've not done too bad for what I've been able to accomplish on my own, and without this relationship, everything is manageable for me. and theres still so much more I want to do but I can never get a grasp on my life. do you think I really would have done half as much as I have if I were caught up in relationships? but the key to al that argumentation is that that was how I was and how my life was before. Before the summer, and before this love, and before this hope. would it even be possible for me to just go back to what I was before and still be as content as I once was? And why is my answer to just run and jump ship? Why can't I stick around to make it work, if only because there's not another option? And am I just finding excuses because its hard and I dont know what to do with myself? And why can't I say this to his face? Why can't love be enough? Because the issue at hand is not whether or not I love him. it comes down to timing, and I wont let him wait for me. Its not fair to either or us.
I, unfortunately, am one of those people who never know they are happy until they are made to be unhappy. so for me, happiness comes in waves of not being unhappy. which is, in itself, pitiful.
I'm in the process of re-evaluating my life because its gotten to the point where its far to complicated for my liking. Its exhausting. so I've gotta look at my wants, needs, goals and that which I can do without. school? oh so necessary. work? ehh I need a job but my place of employment is up for change. family? I'm stuck with them. friends? as cliche as it sounds, they've stuck with me through everything. before I was anything, they were there, so they stay.
the bf? now this is where it gets complicated. its odd though, that I should be thinking this because this is the one part that I thought I would be so sure of, and would never have to reconsider. and so that brings us to the question of why, out of all those aspects, would I even consider ending this relationship? perhaps the easiest answer, and by far the simplest, is that, honestly, I've lived 22 years on my own (with family and friends of course) and have done just fine. I've not done too bad for what I've been able to accomplish on my own, and without this relationship, everything is manageable for me. and theres still so much more I want to do but I can never get a grasp on my life. do you think I really would have done half as much as I have if I were caught up in relationships? but the key to al that argumentation is that that was how I was and how my life was before. Before the summer, and before this love, and before this hope. would it even be possible for me to just go back to what I was before and still be as content as I once was? And why is my answer to just run and jump ship? Why can't I stick around to make it work, if only because there's not another option? And am I just finding excuses because its hard and I dont know what to do with myself? And why can't I say this to his face? Why can't love be enough? Because the issue at hand is not whether or not I love him. it comes down to timing, and I wont let him wait for me. Its not fair to either or us.
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