We Can Still Have It All

This post has been inspired by a twitter conversation the girls had recently. I needed to blog about this to fully weigh in on the situation.

friend 1:
Once you define your ideal significant other, it's pretty hard to settle for anything less.

me:
effing word hole! thats why the girls shouldnt give us crap gosh! [LOL I love how I try to be cool]

friend 2:
AND THAATT IS WHYYY... HAHAH I hope your "ideals" are flexible...

friend 3:
don't settle for anything less but also be open to other things. Don't look for perfect because it doesn't exist.

I must beg to differ. I've said this many times, but I absolutely, positively believe that perfect exists. It exists for you. It exists for me. But perfect exists for us in different ways. What I look for in perfect, what I consider perfect, what I need for perfect clearly pertains only to me. What you consider perfect is constructed based on your needs, wants, and desires. Thus, I don't think anyone should measure perfect based on someone else's model.

And since your idea of perfect pertains specifically to yourself, you should never, ever, ever, compromise. And that includes settling. Because that means you are devaluing something that you inherently value.

It's like saying, well, my faith and relationship in God is really important to me and is something I value, so ideally, the person I'm with should value their relationship with God as well. But when upon meeting someone you really like, you come to find out they are an agnostic--but you really like them, so you compromise on that point in order to stay with that person.

Or, you can say that you really value your relationship with your family, but find someone who has completely turned their back on their family and only cares about what they are doing.

Or, you take a strong stance against drug use. Or gambling. Or smoking. Do you compromise these things because the person you like does them?

Personally, I don't understand this. Why should you set a standard for yourself, then excuse it in the behavior in another person? Why should I make allowances for certain things that I would never allow for myself? Also, if I care about something deeply, why would I compromise that in the future boyfriend/fiance/husband? That doesn't make sense.

I am, of course, talking about bigger issues. Hair color, height, weight, favorite types of music, favorite movies---all of those things, I think, can absolutely be compromised. And, with things likes drugs, gambling, smoking--all habit forming--I think this becomes a problem when it becomes a problem. If they happened to steal a comic book--or even tore pages out of a Tiger Beat when they were 12 because it had colored pictures of Justin Timberlake-- I'm not saying that you should just dump the person and head for the hills. No, that's crazy. What I am saying is that if they are drinking excessively every night, or going out gambling every night... there's clearly a problem.

But going back to the question of settling. I just don't understand why someone would settle. Why would you sell yourself short? We all want to best for our girlfriends. We want them to be happy with a person who perfectly compliments them. You'd never let your good friend end up with a person that she was settling for. And if we care about our friends to such an extent, shouldn't we care for ourselves even more? Shouldn't you want the very best for yourself?

The next point I want to make is that everyone should stay with their own standards and not give into this really ambiguous, and ultimately meaningless, notion of The Perfect Guy/Girl. Here, I agree with friend 3; you can't find happiness if you are trying to find a person that fits into a mold constructed by what you think you SHOULD look for in a potential relationship. That list, that model of perfection, doesn't exist and shouldn't matter to you because that's not what you are looking for anyway.

To sum up, I just want to end with something I got from an asian drama I watched [and reason number 1 why asian dramas are so so good to watch]. No one can, nor ought to be your everything. There will always be something that just doesn't fit. Too short, too fat, too loud, not loud enough, too young, too old, weird job, weird friends...etc etc etc. So pick the things you can't live without, and let everything else fall away. The things you can't live without, those are the things that make up your perfection, and you should never compromise them.

East Coast

it's official, I'm off to UPenn for a post bacc program in classics. I head of mid-June for intensive Greek before officially starting. I'm a bunch of nerves. I'm equal part excited and terrified. But I'm slowly reconciling myself to the idea that yes, it will be hard, yes I'll probably cry and want to quit, but I'm hoping that I'll get so much out of it that it will make it all worth it in the end.

I'm moving to PHILLY! In honor of that, I give you this:


More on this later :)

Breaking it down

Have I mentioned this yet? I can't remember. But in trying to figure out what to do with my life after May 20th, I have been casually applying to random things--jobs and schools mostly. And on a whim, I applied to both Penn and UCLA's post-bac program in Classics (yes, going back to my roots). Basically, the programs run about a year long and focus on classical languages (ancient Greek and ancient Latin); at the end of the program you get a certificate that says you have a high proficiency in these two languages. hurray.

To my utter surprise, I was actually accepted into the Penn program. OH EM GEE. UCLA, I'm still waiting for you. I'm hoping to hear from them today actually **crosses fingers**. It's strange though, because before I had too many options (which effectively meant I had no options), and now I have actually have some choices before me. Where am I? Well, I'm perched on that proverbial fence. Sipping on a mango mojito.

In corner 1: University of Pennslyvania
PROS:
a) East Coast and all that entails
b) Ivy league
c) Out of San Diego
CONS:
a) Maybe too far from San Diego?
b) avocado/guac/mexican food/ in-n-out?
c) academically, out of my (ivy) league

In corner 2: University of California, Los Angeles
PROS:
a) Professor that I'd want to work with for my PhD is at UCLA
b) world class institution
c) Out of San Diego
d) Still close enough to home that I can come back should I need
CONS:
a) Maybe too close to San Diego?
b) LOS ANGELES. nuff said.

All of this, of course, depends on whether I even want to go to a post-bac program. It's another year in school, another year not having a real life, another year of being financially dependent/undeveloped. It would only make sense to go to these programs if I wanted to get my PhD, and at this moment I'm not sure that I do. This wouldn't really boost my resume much--because who but PhD programs want to know that you are good at greek and latin--except to say that I was educated somewhere like Penn or UCLA. It doesn't even make my job prospects that much better--again, because no one cares that I know dead languages. So unless I'm willing to commit to going off and getting a PhD, it really doesn't make sense to go to a post-bac.

The other option I'm toying with is just getting out of san diego and working somewhere--I know, more easily said than done. But being 25 and literally having nothing to my name isn't exactly where I want to be. As much as I criticize people who go through school just so they can be financially secure (even when they hate their jobs), I'm not completely blind to the realistic need to be secure. I can't depend on my parents for the rest of my life. And I'm only getting older.

Moreover, there's this feeling that I'm just burnt out from all the schooling I've done. 7 years in college--straight through. It's enough to wear a person down, and in my case, it has. All I do now is dream of the day when I can put school, homework, SDSU behind me. The thought that I would have to pick up and start the process all over again fails to excite me, I'm sorry to say.

The thing is, though, is that I can't tell what it is that I don't want to deal with. What has made me burnt out? Is it schoolwork? Is it from my thesis, and writing the same thing for the past 3 years? Is it writing history? The reason why I'm asking this question is because I remember my senior year of college and just loving latin to death--all I wanted to do was study latin. So how did I go from there to here? I know that it shouldn't seem like a big difference, but there's a freaking ocean of difference in studying classics and studying ancient history. So am I tired of writing history? Am I tired of school because I was studying something different than what I wanted to study? Do I still love classics? If I study greek and latin all day long in this post-bac program, will that make me happy? Or will I want to cry?

So many questions. I just can't tell.

And UCLA and Penn are expensive experiments in trying to discover if I'm still really interested in this.

Want to know what I am excited about? The idea of getting away and starting over in a new place, a new city, with new people and new horizons--that excites me. When I think of going to Penn, the program itself doesn't excite me (if anything, it horrifies me)--but the idea of moving out of Philadelphia and finding a place to live and figuring out a new city and carving out a niche for myself within that new city--that's all pretty darn exciting. But again, I shouldn't accept Penn and commit to that program just so I can move to Philadelphia. I'll just end up hating everything if I go for the wrong reasons.

So there it is. I have a huge decision to make this week, and all of these things are weighing on my mind. I have to let Penn know by Thursday, so if I don't hear from UCLA by the end of today, I'm just gonna eliminate it from my list of possibilities.

I'll update once I know what I'm doing, but I'm curious as to your thoughts on the topic. What would you do if you were me?

SPRINKLES: cupcake review

On a recent trip to Sprinkles, Beverly Hills, I ended up with 6 whole cupcakes (of which I ate 5 O.o) and while I had been a fan of Sprinkles' cupcakes prior to the trip, it was solely on the strength of their red velvet cupcake. At the store, I was able to try out new flavors.

waiting outside like a 21 year old trying to get into a downtown club.

but once we were inside, we took the window seats and proceeded to eat our cupcakes in front of the admiring masses.

What I bought (clockwise from bottom left): Black and White, Orange, Red Velvet (x 2), and Brown Sugar Praline (x 2).

black and white: belgian dark chocolate cake with creamy vanilla frosting.
orange: fragrant orange cake with vanilla-orange frosting flecked with zest.
red velvet: southern style light chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting.
brown sugar praline: caramel cake with brown sugar frosting, topped with crunchy nut praline.

I have to say, all the cupcakes were delicious. I was particularly fond of the orange cupcake, it was light and a nice alternative to the super rich, super decadent chocolate chocolate chocolate cupcakes. But my favorite was the brown sugar praline. so so divine. I loved the crunchy top and the cake itself was not too sweet. It's a shame that it is a seasonal flavor and is currently not available at the stores.

the necessary companion:

tea of course!

I'm so glad I got a box so that I could taste all the cupcakes on my own time. There's rumor that a Sprinkles is going to open up in downtown SD, but I haven't heard anything definite. Here's hoping. =)

Sprinkles Cupcakes
9635 South Santa Monica Boulevard, Beverly Hills
CA 90210

finally

I can't believe it's taken me until APRIL 2010 to finally, finally, cook a real meal. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy cooking, no matter what the end result. I like to try to make new recipes and experiment making interesting and delicious things. It felt really good to be over a hot stove, to bang around pots and pans, to season and taste. I can't believe I've let myself go this long without cooking anything. I've been too busy and stressed to make anything but really quick snacks/lunches. I kept it simple tonight with a really simple spring pasta which celebrated the flavors of the season, and I also made delicious hibiscus tea to go along with it. so so good.

Hello old friend. Let's not part again.

kismet

I just realized that I have yet to account for perhaps one of the more memorable moments of the whole of my existence (oh yeah, I'm taking this blog post to that level of dramatic flair): the meeting between myself and theWesleyChan.

but first, some background.

who he is: one-third of Wong Fu Productions, a small independent production company.
what he does: He writes, directs, edits, and occasionally acts in short films, music videos, and mockumentaries. Wong Fu employs social networks and websites to promote their work, most notably YouTube. He also designs T-shirts for their clothing brand, areyouaniceguy.com.
why I love him: What's not to love? he's a talented and driven individual. I'm seriously not kidding when I say that seeing someone with a passion, and watching them as they pursue that passion to the end is just so gosh darn attractive. people don't give enough credit to that quality in a person. but respect and admiration go a long way. much longer than looks or the vigor of youth.

I've watched many (all?) of their videos on youtube and have grown to like them a lot. I follow wong fu on twitter. I check their website. I am part of their official group on facebook. Oh yes, I like them very much so.

So how happy was I when I found out that they were coming to San Diego on 4.3.2010 as part of their Spring speaking tour on college campuses. No, they weren't going to be at SDSU, but UCSD is just as good (and their alma mater). Only wait, what's this? They are going to be the keynote speakers of a Intercollegiate Taiwanese American Students Association event. And you had to buy tickets because it was a hosted dinner. Just my luck that I am not Taiwanese and certainly can't pass for being so, I don't attend UCSD, and sorry, but the $50 event ticket is just not something I am willing to pay. So what's a girl to do?

That's right. Crash it baby!

The good news is that the event was being held at a restaurant, Jasmine, in Clairemont. I called a few days earlier and tried to make reservations to see if we could at least get in the same building as them. What do you know, they take my reservations. Looks like I'd be meeting Wong Fu afterall.

The restaurant was partitioned by retractable walls to designate the normal eating area, and the private event. We sat on the other side of the wall, eavesdropping like crazy to try and figure what was going on. And honestly, I was so, so nervous and giddy with excitement and anticipation of whether or not my friends and I could actually pull this off.

My heart swelled the moment I heard my wesley's voice come through the speakers. I think for the whole hour + that we were there, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face if I had tried.

The event ended, and now people were just mulling around waiting in line to take pictures with the guys. My rebel friends, Jazmine and Rachel (bless them), boldly pushed through the door to enter the private event, and I followed. No one said anything to us about it, and we didn't care.

Seeing my wesley in the flesh just about floored me. I honestly don't know how I got through the night.

It was a mad blur of nervous laughter, intense awareness, and eager eager anticipation. My knees were knocking into one another as I got closer to them. Next in line, I awkwardly pushed my way forward. Taking a position next to wesley. I ended up with a solo picture with the wong fu boys after some quick thinking and my selfish reflexives (sorry rachel for pushing you away!).

In the moment, I was trying to remember and savor all these little things about him. what he was wearing, the brands he was wearing, how close he was to me at all times, how much taller he was than me, the feel of his hand as he shook mine, the way he said my name, even the freaking body heat radiating off of him.

Yeah, I'm that creepy.

The night ended with more pictures, another missed encounter at boba, and laughing it up with the girls. such a good night.

Can't wait for it to happen again May 8 in LA!!! ; )

blogger vs tumblr

I'm so so torn. I really like some of the features on tumblr but I've been on blogger since 2001. That's 9 years of dedication. and yes, I felt a bit unfaithful when I created my tumblr. I can't decide between them! oh, decisions.

goodbye spring break

back to reality and it is one that is currently wearing me down and causing me such grief and stress. I want to punch it in the face. I freaking swear, I'm going to burn this thesis the moment it gets published. Its nights like tonight that make me not want to do this anymore.

introducing: my future husband

But it's a good excuse, put our love to use, Baby I know what to do. Baby I, I will love you, I'll love you, I'll love you.

Wesley Chan, I adore you.

Currently listening: Kina grannis' Valentine