Teaching Chops

There's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I still don't really know the answer to this conundrum. I wonder if I've got the chops to make it as a teacher...or even if I should be teaching in the first place.

Let me get this out of the way first: this is not about me doubting if I'm smart enough. Like, please. Okay that sounded way too egotistical. What I meant was that I learned a long time about that standing in front of a classroom doesn't necessarily mean you are smarter than everyone else who is sitting down. Far from it, in some cases. But I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing. If you don't know something fess up & turn it into a learning experience. Being in front of the classroom doesn't mean you have all the answers. That's not what teaching is supposed to be about.

The less ego you have in the classroom, the better.

Which is why I'm concerned.

Am I the only one cracking up at my lame jokes? Okay then, I'll stop.

The real reason why I'm concerned, is that I may not have a thick enough skin. The first semester I taught was kind of like HELL ON EARTH for me. I literally woke up in the morning dreading having to go to work. I would countdown the minutes until the end of the period...sometimes just letting them go early because I didn't want to have to deal with them anymore. I hated trying to plan things for class that I knew they wouldn't take seriously & by the end, I didn't care anymore either.

On a personal level, it was such a shock to see the sexism/ageism that happened. Fighting to get people to respect me and what I had to say was harder because I was younger & a girl. I as astounded to see that what I had to say meant less because it came out of my mouth.

And of course, I've always been one to take things personally. When students do poorly, I internalize it. When students dont do what I ask of them, I think its a reflection of me and my teaching skills. When students fail, I take it as my own personal failure.

I can't help it.

As I think about where my life is headed, I see teaching sort of on the horizon--whether it be here in the states or in korea. But teaching was never something that I imagined for myself. As me 3 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago (omg I sound so old), what I wanted to do when I grew up, and teaching was never ever even a consideration.

And so I can't help but think, am I doing this because it makes the most sense? Instead of seizing an opportunity, am I just taking what's handed to me?

Because teachers, I feel, should want to teach. We've all had them. Teachers who should have never become teachers, but somehow are--and you can tell they hate teaching. Some will even own up to it. So how did they find themselves there?

I don't want to be one of those people.

Teaching is hard. It's not glamorous. It's rough. It's time consuming. It's taxing on your nerves, sanity, and emotions.

I also know its about developing a thick skin. By the second semester that I taught, I felt like I was more equipped to deal with students--its not that I was necessarily a better teacher, but that I maybe cared less, which sounds horrible. I cared less in the sense that I didn't let every little thing bother me. Because before I'd lose sleep over my students and my class. I'd stay up for hours, processing and agonizing every little thing that I had done wrong or had gone wrong. That second semester, I cared less. I had to, for my personal sanity.

And I can't also help but wonder, if it's so difficult for me now... how much worse in another country where I don't know the language?

On another note: apparently my documents all cleared in korea... I'm just waiting for my contract to be sent back to me. Any day now EPIK. any day now.

Also, I think I've made my new year's resolution for 2011-20112 (does that sound futuristic or anyone else? and by that I mean, we should be all flying our own spaceships & have our personal time machines?): learn korean. this resolution may extend for 2013 and beyond.

& note to self: get your butt back to learning korean. bc you marrying G-Dragon, TOP and Taeyang is not gonna happen with you only knowing english. kthxbai.

EPIK/TESL/SMOE and other Korea things

For those of you who have been wondering:

EPIK- English Program in Korea they are the people in charge of placing english teachers all around korea. They are the ones who hold all the power.

SMOE- Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education is an offshoot of EPIK. They deal specifically with teachers in Seoul, South Korea's capital. You have to be more qualified to teach in Seoul, and it's more competitive, but I figure it couldn't hurt to try.

TESL- to be TESL certified, or Teacher of English as a Second Language just means that I'd be certified to teach english to students who live in a country where english isn't a main language.

Sometimes I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually applying to teach in Korea, and that in a few short months there is a huge possibility that I'd be standing in front of a classroom in South Korea--maybe in Seoul of all places!--filled with Korean students, teaching English. It really is mind blowing. But I'm terribly excited about the prospect that it could actually happen. Whenever I complete another step, move just a bit further towards that goal, I'm filled with what can only be described as pure joy and excitement. In those moments, I can hardly contain my happiness, and I end up dancing around in my room (naturally, to kpop), unconcerned that I may be disturbing the neighbors downstairs.

So, just where am I in the application process? Well, all my paperwork as been submitted for the initial application (we must submit twice). I should be expecting a call from Korea any moment now for a phone interview. I'm a bit nervous about this, to be honest. I don't know what they'll ask me. Usually, in situations like this, I have some idea of what to expect from the interview, or at least, I have an idea of what the interviewer wants to hear. But I'm really clueless this time. The interview is supposed to last something like 45 minutes. That's a lot of BSing time. I don't know if I'm up to the challenge.

Additionally, I decided to go ahead at get tesl certified. I started the program today, and it's been interesting to say the least. I've completed 4 units thus far, and there's been some really helpful tips, some things I disagree with, and other things which were pointless--for me, that is. I'm sure they are plenty helpful to others. It's really interesting to see english grammar explained in english. I only really know english grammar through latin, so it's nice to see english explained in english terms, if that makes sense. A concept may be the same and work the same in english and in latin, but its nice to know what english calls the concept, instead of how latin explains it. Because the last thing I want to do is teach english through a latin filter to korean students. So I'm trying to side step that whole problem by going through this tesl program. I want to see if I can get one more unit in tonight. Maybe not the best thing (they only want you to do 2 units/day) but what can I say, I'm excited.

A good friend once told me that when I get excited about something, I tend to throw myself into it. I guess that's what I'm doing now.

For the moment, my korean learning has abated somewhat. Learning hangul can be such a bore because I just want to SAY things! It'll probably continue to be put on the back burners while I get my tesl lessons in, which I know isn't the best thing for learning a new language, but hey, if I keep watching korean dramas and television shows, at least I'm auditory learning, right?

SEOULmates

I don't have a ton of time to blog right now, but I just wanted to share some exciting news! I turned in my preliminary application to EPIK (English Program in Korea) and lo and behold, I found out that I'm eligible to teach in SEOUL (S. Korea's capital, and my number 1 pick of places I'd want to teach)! I'm terribly excited, because I thought I couldn't teach in Seoul, that it was literally a chance in a thousand that I'd get selected (since its the capital, they have higher expectations of the teachers there than in other parts of Korea, and I thought you could only do it if you majored in English or were an English teacher already). But it turns out my masters degree is more useful than I initially thought! Right now, I'm creating a lesson plan for English. I've lesson planned for history before but never English. And growing up with this stupid language, I'm a bit intimidated with the fact that I have to try and explain its stupidity to students. Thus, after much deliberation, I've finally decided to do a tesl program. Yeah its $200 out the window, but I feel like it'll do wonders for me. At least, I'm hoping it does haha.

Conquering Korean! #2

So after reviewing the things I learned last night... "hello, excuse me, yes, no, thank you, thank you, how much is ___? this, that, give me, water, more, that's alright, and I'm sorry"

I gave in and decided if my flash cards were going to mean anything, then I would need to learn the alphabet. You can't swim before you sink, right?

It's a slow going process, but, and I thought this was interesting, the consonant that is giving me the most trouble is riul-- the "r/l" consonant. Yes, that very one which we in the English-speaking parts of the world, say that speakers of Asian languages always get confused (i.e. they confuse "l" sounds with "r" sounds).

But riul isn't truly an "r" sound, nor truly an "l" sound...it's somewhere in between. But that's a middle ground, a gray area, that isn't wholly present in the English alphabet, and thus, I find myself having difficult pronouncing it ^.^ I want it to be either a "l" sound or a "r" sound.. which, I know, is projecting my own language aesthetics onto a foreign language, something that I need to rid myself of quickly if I want this to be meaningful.

Lastly, I find that I have to make some corrections in the way that I say certain words, "hello" and "thank you" in particular. I picked up these words purely from auditory perception--through kdramas-- and now I find that I say a vowel incorrectly. I know that if I say if fast enough, or mumble it quietly enough, that the difference isn't readily noticeable (because anyone fluent in a language slurs together vowels and consonants anyway) but it still irks me. So I find myself being especially careful with these words, which of course, makes me sound like an amateur >.<

But I'm enjoying it so far. And I can't help giggle occasionally from the knowledge that I'm actually learning this. Or at least, attempting to learn it! :)

Conquering Korean!

So, since I have all this free time, I'm teaching myself korean.

I know that if I want to make it in Korea, I'll need to learn how to read hangul.

Thus far, I've made flash cards.

But I'm far more interested in speaking Korean. Bc, really, isn't that the goal of learning any language? To communicate with people? To be able to communicate one's own thoughts?

So I started an online course and I'm really really excited. Surprisingly, I know more korean than I thought---thank you kdramas! at least, for the first chapter haha. I have basic words down, and I'm excited to learn new things!

new word: sillyehamnida<--romanized because I can't do hangul. It means, "excuse me."