part of your world

I was obsessed with Disney's The Little Mermaid when I was 5 or 6 years old. I memorized every line, every moment, every beat. I would play the movie while I acted out the scenes around my house and yes, each room had designated scenes. I remember the movie leaving such an impression upon me.



Explains a lot right?

why I love san diego

Food Review: CRAFT, Los Angeles

CRAFT, Lost Angeles
10100 Constellation Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90067-4604
of Tom Colicchio, from Top Chef notoriety.

First off, the location of the restaurant is really cool. Located in what can easily be described as a high-end business park, it is surrounded by gorgeous, modern buildings.

CRAFT is on the other side of the Los Angeles Creative Artists building (front) and the two towers in the back.

I can not emphasize how handsome the place was. Modern, sleek, and clean, but not at all impersonal or cold. It was refined, cozy, and warm. Lovely.



I wished I had pictures. But I didn't want to be that girl. So I hope the following description suffices.

Amuse Bouche: bone marrow gelee served on spoons straight out of the Matrix.
I personally liked this. It tasted fatty and there was an instense beef flavor like sucking on a beef boullion but in gel form. I guess, however, that other guests were not fans of this amuse bouche, so they brought out another one.

Amuse Bouche #2: avocado parfait.
smoothest avocado cream + fruity olive oil + cherry tomato + slice of jalepeno + kernel of popcorn. I took out the jalepeno, but I really enjoyed the silkiness and citrus of this amuse.

Appetizer: Oysters on the half-shell.
served on ice with lemon + cocktail sauce + another sauce I can't remember.
We ordered 1 of each kind oyster on the menu (a total of four). we could not remember which oyster was which, but one in particular that I had was especially delicious. I think it was the Hama Hama Oyster from Washington. It preferred the oysters with just some lemon and could have done without the sauces.

Main Courses:
Mine: Squab. First time having squab and it was nicely prepared. I always prefer dark meat, and it was quite delicious. served with the best poached pears I've ever had ever. Those pears are something that I want at my last meal.
Orange: 35 day dry-aged Sirloin Steak. I can't comment on this because I didn't eat even a bit of this. But it was huge and came served with its fatty marrow (again).

Side Dishes:
Roasted Market Cauliflower. All different varieties, white, purple and yellow with a bit of crisp from the roasting. yummy.
Oyster Mushrooms. The best mushrooms I've ever had hands down. So buttery and tender and not at all tough or overdone. so simple and yet so, so good.

Desserts:
we had ordered Ricotta Cheesecake. Light and creamy but not too sweet or dense. It came deconstructed with a creme fraiche streak and shortbread crumbles. I'm a big fan. however, before this came out, they brought out a Pre-Dessert, Dessert: vanilla panacotta with shortbread crumbles and strawberries. It was a delightful surprise and I enjoyed every bite. And then, after the Ricotta Cheesecake, they brought out a Post-Dessert, Dessert: cookies and caramel corn. Again another lovely surprise. I didn't have the caramel corn as I am, in general, not a big fan of it, but the chocolate chip cookie was made with bittersweet chocolate that was almost too good to be true. But my favorite was the pine nut and rosemary cookie. I love me some rosemary cookies and was so happy that they were serving them. Not your traditional cookie, but that is what I love about them.

To go:
Yes, they even gave us a parting gift! They brought out packets of homemade granola which was yummy this morning. Pumpkin seeds, honey, nuts, and oats. so good with some greek yogurt.

Wine:
A bottle of Rozak. I have to say that I really liked this wine. I'm not a big red wine drinker, but this was light enough and fruity enough and I found myself really enjoying it.

Service:
Everyone, from the hostess to the Sommelier, to all of the servers were so attentive and friendly. My water glass was constantly refilled. Almost immediately after dishes were clear (in a timely manner), silverware and plates were reset for the next course. Everyone was so professional and knowledgeable.

One of the best nights of eating I've had ever. One of the best dining experiences I've ever had. I simply can not stop raving about CRAFT. It's American food, its fresh and seasonal, it doesn't try to do anything more than bring you simple food well-prepared. So keep your deconstructions, your foams, and you fusions. There's something to be said about doing real food, really really well. Thank you Chef Colicchio!

now that that is over with

sorry about that last post. I was in a weird mood. please forgive me, I get like that before my bday. It just happens, and while I know that I shouldn't fret, because its inevitable that I'll get older, I can't help but fight it tooth and nail.

to sum up the day:

a late start. piano. yiruma. dancing in my living room. 2ne1. wesley. haircut. twlight. mall. vindication! driving. views of the pacific ocean. tiredness. awkwardness in elevator. awkwardness at receptionist desk. put on the spot. old friend. thrown to lions. tanners. CRAFT. deliciousness in abundance. zagat rated coffee. drive home.

felt lots of love today, so I can't complain.

more on CRAFT in another post.

goodnight!

a quarter life [crisis]

I turn 25 in a few hours. I wish I could say something profound on the eve of my 25th birthday, that I could dispense some pearls of wisdom that I've developed through life lessons and experience. I wish I could say with a lightness of heart that I'm perfectly fine with getting a year older.

But the truth is that I'm sitting in the dim lighting of my office, with nothing but the soft sounds of my itunes study music to keep me company, feeling a bit emotional for no particular, and yet every, reason.

I never feel my mortality more than when I get older. When I feel older. When the realization hits me that I'm no longer as naive, as carefree, as unburdened as I once was. That no, I actually don't have all the time in the world to figure things out.

Have I mentioned that I'm not at all fond of my birthday? Like so many arbitrary days in the calendar, it supposes that the day should somehow be special for you. That the world should smile kindly on you in recognition of the day of your birth. But like so many other things in my life, I always anticipate something memorable, worthwhile, and beautiful on my birthday...but it always ends up passing me by in the most unremarkable way. And I can't help but see it as a reflection of my life in general.

Do I wish I were more traveled? Yes. Do I wish I had more life experiences? Absolutely. Am I satisfied with where my life is? Not particularly. Do I crave more? YES.

I hold my breath, all day, waiting. wanting. feeling. ready. nostalgic. silent.

But for what? I stand still.

When will I catch up with myself? Where is the beauty in my life?

Where is the peace within myself?

At the end of the day, I just want to feel something besides this. beyond whatever it is that fills my hours with a nothingness that is deafening. I want to know and feel that I exist. And I exist for something.

Where is the story of my life?

Please, let me feel infinite.

It's just a line, a thought, a hope, that came to my mind when I first saw you.

spilled milk.

theres no use crying over something that is already done. the shiteth hath already hiteth the fan. so buck up, get to work, and be better. wallowing solves nothing.

birthday wish list

what I want for my birthday...



and I'm not talking about the shirt. Can he just please pick me already?

grr.

I was all set to post something really nice and up beat and maybe a bit profound [i wish] but I'm way too upset at the moment to do anything else but complain.

See, today I experienced all sorts of discrimination from ageism to sexism and, quite frankly, I'm fed up.

First, the boba shop where I experienced ageism from both a group of customers, as well as from the lady at the counter taking orders, I was overlooked even though I was CLEARLY standing there as the next person in line. The customers--or rather, one guy, so maybe this is sexism too-- full on cut me as if I wasn't even there. After that, the lady at the counter saw me standing closer to her as the next person in line, and literally overlooked me--looked over me-- to try and help the older woman standing behind me.

wtf. stop treating me as if I'm dispensable.

And later today, and this is what really made me upset, is the audacity of my students. No, that is unfair, because it is really just this ONE GUY. This one 19/20 year old guy who either doesn't respect me because I'm a girl, or because I'm relatively young, or maybe even both.

Let me relate the contents of our email exchange:

@ 5:59 pm from student to me: Just checking, the second essay is due the coming friday right

@ 6:04 pm from me to student: Actually, the paper was due this past Friday, 3/12. Try to get the paper to me as soon as possible, or if you have questions come see me.

@ 6:14 pm from student to me: wait it was already due i thought there was a week extension

@ 6:19 pm from me to student: I don't know why you thought there was an extension. Check the syllabus for the due dates for the papers.

@ 6:23 pm from student to me: damn, can you tell me where the prompt for this essay is and how many points will I loose for the delay

@ 6:35 a NEW email from student to me with subject heading: "c'mon help out"

@ 6:39 pm from me to student: Here you go: I hope you have the Locke reading for this (we went over it in class). Also, as the syllabus states, late papers get docked 1/3 a grade per business day.

@ 6:49 pm from student to me: thanks and since it was the weekend and not business days i am good right, c'mon just look the other just this once

WTH.

I don't get it. He would never ever, ask his professor to "look the other way" and essentially disregard the established-since-the-first-day-of-school policy for late assignments. Not to mention the breach in academic integrity. NOT TO MENTION the overall informality which I find revolting. Why are you swearing in an email to me? I'm still your instructor! Stop thinking you are the exception. And that second email to me asking for the prompt, I was almost tempted not to send it because a) he should have had it already and b) he was making HIS emergency MY emergency in such a manner as to tick me off in the worse possible way.

This is the same student who, during a mandatory visit to my office hour, asked me my age. When I asked him why it matters--and if it was because he didn't trust in my abilities as an instructor--he said that it didn't, but proceeded to say "it's just that you look 22." [:D] And that comment only increased my suspicions that his overall behavior--he doesn't take my class seriously--stems from the fact that he sees me as a peer rather than an instructor who ultimately has control of a good portion of his grade. It's a mistake that I know already will prove to be his undoing in a class like this.

And okay, I'll cut those customers at the boba place some slack because he just might not have seen me standing there by the counter. Instead of being a sexist/ageist, I'll just call him an selfish, inconsiderate man with a false sense of entitlement. The other two cases, I think, don't merit any other consideration.

But then again, is it me? Is it something about me that makes people either not take me seriously or, even worse, not take notice of me at all?

running lists

Everyone has an ideal list of qualities. Some people might even have a deal breakers list. Those things that just kill any potential you see in another person as your potential plus one. these lists can range from the serious, to the irrational:

-smokers, druggies, gamblers, people with addictions in general
-racists, bigots, people who are close minded or prejudiced
-people with tatooes
-people with red hair
-people who are shorter than 5 ft 2 in... etc etc etc

we can even have a list of desired qualities:

-Mr. Darcy...end list.

whatever it is, we all have these sort of lists for desirable qualities in a potential.

I, for one, am all about these sort of lists. Or at least, I used to be. Because whatever list I managed to contrive in my head---of desirable qualities, or undesirable qualities---ultimately became irrelevant in the face of a real relationship with a real person. That is not to say, however, that I don't have standards, or that I've given up on these lists altogether. It's just that my idealism has been tempered a bit by the reality of the complexities inherent in a single person. Running lists, no matter how detailed, do an injustice to a person whose feelings, mannerisms, and ideas change constantly through growth and life experience.

Because whether or not that person meets every single quality on your list of 'desired characteristics' and who manners to avoid all the qualities on the 'deal breakers' list, that even then, it does not signify that a relationship should, or ought, to work out. Meeting, or not meeting, these lists does not make a relationship last, and it definitely does not save a relationship. If anything, they prolong the inevitable end, because we have convinced ourselves that there's no good reason why it shouldn't work out--that there's no legitimate reason why we should break up with our significant other--and why we should stay and stick through it.

Having these sort of lists, I think, are a good sort of skeleton, because like I said before, people should have standards, and should know what it is that they want. But we should recognize the flaws and limits of these lists, and should be honest with ourselves when we feel that something isn't quite right. We might not be able to explain it, to reason through it, but then again, we shouldn't sell ourselves short either.

I think about my life

before I loved you and it don't look right like

Guys in Ugg Boots.

On repeat on my itunes right now is a cover of Justin Beiber's "Baby"--don't judge me! I hadn't even heard of him/it until I saw, what else, a youtube of this cover. And when I heard the aforementioned lyric in it, I not only chuckled, I down right chortled.


you can even download the mp3 here:http://www.zshare.net/audio/73326993321298ef/

does anyone else...

find these shirts revolting??





because I find them to be stupid and offensive. Why does that need to be advertised on your chest?! no one cares if you are in a relationship, and it shouldn't matter to anyone else except your boyfriend whether or not you love him. And, if you did love him, as you so claim, then you don't need to advertise that to the world. get over yourself.

and moreover, why does this message come in a VARIETY of shirts?

thinking about it more, this just perpetuates proper and expected behavior for girls. That they should be in a relationship--its something they should strive for-- and that all relationship are loving and that they should keep that in mind, even if, and especially when, their boyfriends dont reciprocate their kind of love. That is, messages like this make girls stay in relationships that they shouldn't, they force girls to make excuses for the bad behavior of their boyfriends, and even enable bad boyfriends.

Think about it, you would never see a "I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND" shirt for guys.

They should make, "I SOMETIMES DONT LOVE MY BOYFRIEND" or "I HATE MY BOYFRIEND" or "I WANT TO BE SINGLE" shirts. That's real talk.

I should make my own shirts. They would say, "I LOVE BEING SINGLE AND DONT NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TO FEEL VALIDATED ABOUT MYSELF."

I think they would be a hit. ;)

like a solider

yesterday was my big speech for the SRS and I tried as much as possible to approach it like a professional conference. I made a powerpoint, I made handouts, I wrote out a speech with notes to myself about when to reference the ppt and when to reference the handout. I practice it. a lot. so much so that my voice was super coarse.

the whole experience of it was interesting, to say the least. It wasn't my first time giving a speech on the topic, and it was material I'm pretty comfortable with, given that I've focused on it for the last 3 years or so, haha.

but it was my first time giving the speech that wasn't in an class type situation, and the first time I had to give it to an audience that, largely, had no real ancient history background. I was being judged by people from the school's advisory/senate boards, the philosophy department, and the like. No history, and definitely no greco-roman/classics judges.

and the day was pretty busy for me. I had to be on campus so I could edit my presentation before the conference started, at 7AM. Needless to say, I showed up to school wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. I had thrown all my clothes/accessories/shoes in a bag and in the trunk of my car, hoping against hope that they wouldn't wrinkle.

Meetings with students/ meeting with thesis formatter, mixed with a bit of breakfast--oatmeal-- and coffee--soy vanilla latte.

Finally from 10:30-12:30, I locked myself up in my office to, as I like to say, get ready for battle haha. And, to be honest, I felt a little bit like a soldier, or like michelle kwan when she used to lock herself up before going on her battlefield, the ice rink. but I digress.

what I mean was, after practicing my speech a few hundred more times, it was time to get ready.

I sounded the battle drums I put on some "get hyped"/ "trash talking" hip hop music (HAHA)

I painted on my warrior face I put on make up

I carefully strapped on my battle armor I put on a suit

I polished my weapons I checked my handouts and ppt

I meditated to clear my mind for battle I meditated to clear my mind for battle

same thing, right?

battle of wills

today I was playing the piano when the UPS guy showed up. I stopped playing when I heard the knock. He probably heard me playing, and also when I stopped. I creeped to the door and looked through the peephole, but didn't answer. I wanted him to leave the package by the door. He wanted me to open the door. we were two strangers on opposite sides of a 4x10 piece of wood, trying to force our will upon the other. he ended up taking the package with him instead of leaving it on the ground. I think it was probably to spite me.

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'"

Story of my life. Actually I would probably be listed as "token asian friend #4." haha

find more here

surrounded by awkwardness

**edited to add story number 3!**

three stories today--actually, one from yesterday and two from today. All filled with awkwardness though, prepare yourselves!

1) Yesterday when I was walking back to my office from the library, I was shouldering some huge books and holding a coffee (my lifeline nowadays). I also just so happened to be wearing heels. Yes, they just get eaten up by the asphalt, and I don't really HAVE to wear them, but in a way, they help distance me from my students, with whom I was having individual meetings with all day. That is, they are my golden arm cuffs a la wonder women with which I can reflect evilness at large.

Back to the story. I was right in front of the building, which looks like this:


And as I'm walking up, I hear this guy holla:

him: "now you know you didn't have to wear them heels to school today. You could have just worn some flip flops..."

I stop. Look around. oh shoot, you are talking to me?!? uh, uh uh... all I end up doing is smile. Then I say, awkwardly:

me: "No, not today." Like, wth? what does that even mean?! ahh but then he goes,

him: "hey, are you jellin?" (gellin'? I still dont know what's right)

me: "huh?"

him: "Are.you.gellin?"

Me: "Ohhhh HAHA" then I realized my laugh was REALLY loud because of the situation of the buildings, it like, echoed like crazy! "No, I'm not actually."

And then I walked away, like super weirdly.

2) today's story requires a bit of background. Ok so, as the two of you know, I am a TA, and have been one since late August. For brevity sake, lets just say that another one of the TAs uh, was infatuated with me, and while I thought he was a really nice good guy, I was not in any sort of place to deal with his feelings (as harsh as that sounds). In any case, things ended badly and without confrontation nor resolution. Basically he started to ignore me, and I, in turn, ignore him back. We're peers and co-workers who never.ever.interact. and we even go out of our way to avoid one another. he even un-friended me on facebook. yeah, its THAT awkward.

so today, I was in the building, waiting for the elevator by myself. when the doors opened, I heard someone follow me in to the elevator. being the first one in, I went to the little panel to push the button for my floor. And, this always happens, I hesitated as I tried to figure out if I should push my button and walk away from the panel so the person behind me can push their own---this is the anti-social person in me, but come one, how awkward are elevator conversations?-- or if I should be nice and ask them what floor they need.

"What floor can I get...." my cheery sentence falls apart as I turned to see my companion.

It's him. the TA.

"oh.. nevermind." I mumble, unthinkingly. As I press myself into the furthest corner away from him. He stands at the opposite wall, trying and failing, at attempting a casual stance. He says nothing.

Meanwhile, I'm mentally punching myself. this is what you get for trying to be social! I tell myself. This is what happens when you try to be nice! never again, I promise myself. be anti-social and love it.

I'm also going over the scenario again in my head. the "oh nevermind" can be seen in two ways. The first,"oh nevermind" is because I don't need to know what floor hes at because he works down the fall from me and thus is going to the same place. The second, and the one in which I intended it to be, is the "oh its you... nevermind." As in, shoot I forgot I wasn't talking to you! arghh.

Thank goodness that some girl gets in the elevator right before it closes, and effectively diffuses the situation by standing between us, happy and relieved that she made it in before the doors closed.

3) this just happened and I have no idea what is going on. Sadaf and I went to the starbucks on campus just now and she ordered her coffee and then I ordered mine, but then, like, the barista struck up a long conversation. like, super long. and it centered around my thesis, so I couldn't make it end either. Once you get me started on my thesis, it never ends. plus, I had to defend my precious romans against the modern american historian bS. yeah cold war might be interesting. but its all about being smarter than the next guy hunkered down in isolation, whereas my romans were out on the battlefield with freaking elephants! WITH FREAKING ELEPHANTS. yeah put that in your grande skinny latte and sip on that!

as you wish

my wesley <3 this made my day you have no idea.