Saturday, December 25, 2010

Snowflake Melts in Your Eye

You'd think that with all the kpop I've been exposing on this blog that it was my first dive into fandom. No, no, my friend, not a long shot.

My gift to you this Holiday Season is this: Nsync's HOME for CHRISTMAS Album. Although Mariah Carey's Christmas album may have enjoyed more popularity, I think the quality of Nsync's album, on the whole, is more enjoyable--their acapella version of 'O Holy Night' is particularly lovely. The whole album been on constant repeat on my itunes ^_^

Enjoy & Happy Holidays!























Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Busy Busy Busy

remember what I said about when I am too happy I ignore my blog? well, you can only imagine how much fun I'm having if I haven't updated in like a week.

I promise a better post in a later time, but for now I just want ring in on something.

A lot of people have been talking to me, concerned, about whether going to South Korea right now is a good idea or not. I am really grateful for all the concern but I let me just say that it is a fallacy that is true of Westerners, and particularly of Americans, to think that the rest of the world is unsafe when really, me being & living in the USA is not any MORE safe than being any where else in the world.

I am not trying to belittle the conflict going on between the two Koreas in any way, nor am I blatantly trying to disregard my personal safety, but ultimately, if and when I get accepted to go to S. Korea... I'm going. period.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

OH MY GTOP.



They really couldn't have waited until I got to Seoul to record this music video?!?! If you are confused about what I'm talking about, read below.

DOUBLE DOUBLE COMBO!!!

okay let's get back to the important things. I haven't expressed my love for Big Bang on this blog as much as I should have, so let me remedy that right now.

MY BOYS are BACK!

Well, two of them are.

^G-DRAGON

^TOP

This duo from my most favoritest of favorites, Big Bang, are releasing their new album titled "HIGH HIGH" and I for one, am giddy with excitement.

I know many of you will make faces at their very strange outfits and hairstyles. Yes, they look crazy ridiculous, but it's part of their appeal. I know that sounds so weird, but in a cookie cutter generic world of kpop, where everyone looks and sounds the same, G-Dragon & TOP forge their own path both musically and fashion wise. Plus, they're craazy talented and swaggerlicious.

Their performance at the recent MAMA awards (along with taeyang):


Yesterday they had the world premiere/ listening party for their HIGH HIGH album live streamed on youtube. OMG the wonders of technology. If this had been available when I loved NSYNC, then it would have been a completely different sort of stalking... I mean, well, whatever.
Anyway, they release teasers/previews of some of the songs off their new album, and now I will dispense a few of my favorites.

HIGH HIGH Tracks

INTRO - The best intro I've heard in kpop in like 2 years. This should have been made into a full song.

OH YEAR - This song features my favorite kpop voice, Park Bom, of 2NE1. She and G-Dragon & TOP have made songs before in the past and I love this throwback to their beginnings. Plus I think Bom's voice sounds so interesting contrasted with G-Dragon & especially TOP's raspy voice.

DONT GO HOME - I had heard bits of this song before and it remains one of my favorites on the album.

If you are curious, adventurous, or a glutton for punishment, you can check the rest of the teasers here.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Ooh, HARRY!

Jumped on a scale today for the first time in forever.

saw something horrific.

jumped off scale & cried a bit under my covers.

That's it. I need to re-vamp my health.

(and, fyi: "ooh, harry" is my friend's 2 year old son's way of saying : "ooh, SCARY.")

that is all.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Teaching Chops

There's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I still don't really know the answer to this conundrum. I wonder if I've got the chops to make it as a teacher...or even if I should be teaching in the first place.

Let me get this out of the way first: this is not about me doubting if I'm smart enough. Like, please. Okay that sounded way too egotistical. What I meant was that I learned a long time about that standing in front of a classroom doesn't necessarily mean you are smarter than everyone else who is sitting down. Far from it, in some cases. But I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing. If you don't know something fess up & turn it into a learning experience. Being in front of the classroom doesn't mean you have all the answers. That's not what teaching is supposed to be about.

The less ego you have in the classroom, the better.

Which is why I'm concerned.

Am I the only one cracking up at my lame jokes? Okay then, I'll stop.

The real reason why I'm concerned, is that I may not have a thick enough skin. The first semester I taught was kind of like HELL ON EARTH for me. I literally woke up in the morning dreading having to go to work. I would countdown the minutes until the end of the period...sometimes just letting them go early because I didn't want to have to deal with them anymore. I hated trying to plan things for class that I knew they wouldn't take seriously & by the end, I didn't care anymore either.

On a personal level, it was such a shock to see the sexism/ageism that happened. Fighting to get people to respect me and what I had to say was harder because I was younger & a girl. I as astounded to see that what I had to say meant less because it came out of my mouth.

And of course, I've always been one to take things personally. When students do poorly, I internalize it. When students dont do what I ask of them, I think its a reflection of me and my teaching skills. When students fail, I take it as my own personal failure.

I can't help it.

As I think about where my life is headed, I see teaching sort of on the horizon--whether it be here in the states or in korea. But teaching was never something that I imagined for myself. As me 3 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago (omg I sound so old), what I wanted to do when I grew up, and teaching was never ever even a consideration.

And so I can't help but think, am I doing this because it makes the most sense? Instead of seizing an opportunity, am I just taking what's handed to me?

Because teachers, I feel, should want to teach. We've all had them. Teachers who should have never become teachers, but somehow are--and you can tell they hate teaching. Some will even own up to it. So how did they find themselves there?

I don't want to be one of those people.

Teaching is hard. It's not glamorous. It's rough. It's time consuming. It's taxing on your nerves, sanity, and emotions.

I also know its about developing a thick skin. By the second semester that I taught, I felt like I was more equipped to deal with students--its not that I was necessarily a better teacher, but that I maybe cared less, which sounds horrible. I cared less in the sense that I didn't let every little thing bother me. Because before I'd lose sleep over my students and my class. I'd stay up for hours, processing and agonizing every little thing that I had done wrong or had gone wrong. That second semester, I cared less. I had to, for my personal sanity.

And I can't also help but wonder, if it's so difficult for me now... how much worse in another country where I don't know the language?

On another note: apparently my documents all cleared in korea... I'm just waiting for my contract to be sent back to me. Any day now EPIK. any day now.

Also, I think I've made my new year's resolution for 2011-20112 (does that sound futuristic or anyone else? and by that I mean, we should be all flying our own spaceships & have our personal time machines?): learn korean. this resolution may extend for 2013 and beyond.

& note to self: get your butt back to learning korean. bc you marrying G-Dragon, TOP and Taeyang is not gonna happen with you only knowing english. kthxbai.

Friday, December 3, 2010

December Nights (& Days)





^All the things I'm enjoying about *WINTER* in San Diego. Tonight, I'm going to December Nights at one of my favorite places in SD: Balboa Park. Its a 2-day festival of lights and food--but there's also art, music, and general merriment to be had. Can not wait!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

KPOP

hear me out. this post isn't going to be what you think.

I HATE KPOP.

You heard me right.

KPOP disgusts me.

KPOP offends me.

But I think I'm jumping the gun a bit. Let me back up a bit.

When I first got into kpop, it was through their dramas--they were fun, over the top, sometimes insanely tragic, but they were, for all intents and purposes, entertaining.

KPOP aims to please.

Then through a rather rapid process I started to like it's music--even though, and quite possibly in spite of the fact that I couldn't understand a lick of it. It started with 2NE1, then extended through Big Bang and the whole of their entertainment company, YG Entertainment. Like every blossoming relationship, everything was great in the beginning. I got see these groups sing and dance on their weekly music shows, I watched the shows they were in--subbed or not, I listened to their songs, I got to know their fandom. Everything was fun and entertaining and deceivingly innocent and lighthearted.

But then I got to know the dark side of kpop.

Kpop singers, whether in a group or otherwise, are dubbed "idols" and every group has its own official fanclub. These fanclubs wage war with each other on a daily basis. DBSK/JYJ have Cassiopeia, Super Junior has E.L.F. (wait for it... Ever Lasting Friends LMAO), 2PM has Hottests, Girl's Generation/SNSD has Sones, Wonder Girls has Wonderfuls, Big Bang has VIP, 2NE1 has Blackjacks... you get the picture.

And in these fanclubs... there's a whole lot of IDOL worship. Fans STAN their idols (stalker + fan) against other fanclubs, against criticisms, against everyone and everything. They protect their idols fiercely. They shower their idols with tons of love in the form of lavish gifts--spending absurd amounts of money on designer gifts for their idols and buying each and every piece of memorabilia. They will continue to STAN their idols as long as the idols keep them happy. So these idols dance with smiles on their faces, they play nice, they give all sorts of fanservice to the admiring masses.

Doesn't seem to bad, right? In fact, back in the 90s, when I loved NSYNC, I would do this very same thing--but fandom in the US is not like fandom in Korea.

Because what happens when these fanclubs turn against their idols? What happens when teens take stanning too far? what happens to a culture that is so absorbed in this idol worship? What happens when teens, young girls especially, want so badly to become an idol that they often tolerate heinous acts of rape and harassment, and endure hours of plastic surgery?

This is the dark side of kpop.

As much as these idols have their fans...many will have an equal number of anti-fans. These fans can and will be brutal.

When leader of boy group 2PM, Jaebum, or as you may know him now JAY PARK, broke the hearts of Hottests last year, antis (and many former fans) decided to issue a suicide petition that garnered thousands of signatures. That's right, people were petitioning for him to commit suicide. Like what the fuck.

Epik High's Tablo made a statement that he graduated from Stanford. Anti's got hold of this bit of information and would not let go. They created his anti-cafe "TajinYo" or "We Request the Truth from Tablo" and basically assaulted the musician urging him to confess that it was a lie: he didn't go to stanford. They dug up all this crap from stanford records, slandered his name, his WIFE's name and their NEWBORN baby. Tablo went on the record many times stating the truth, gave his transcripts, even freaking went to Stanford with a camera crew to verify the truth. Everyone was suing everyone. It went to COURT. How ridiculous is that. Finally, thank God, Tablo won out in the end.

Kpop is especially disturbing when it comes to women. Korea is known for its plastic surgery. Female idols go under the knife regularly. This creates unrealistic expectations of beauty...which in turn forces more and more women, and young girls, to under go plastic surgery. I feel like the most obvious example of this is the girl group SNSD. They are known for their faces and legs--and are often labeled as being "plastic" due to the amount of plastic surgery, real or imagined, they've had.


They're supposed to represent Asia's "Girl's Generation." right. because all girls look like that. but young girls buy into this perfection and try to emulate it: like this.

SNSD has lyrics that are SO OFFENSIVE to me as a woman. Their image is always about being cutesy and SUBMISSIVE. See the music video (subbed) "tell me your wish." I understand that the group's concept is dictated by their company, incidentally run by a male so go figure, and that they're catering to popularity. But I feel like they're catering more towards creepy men than to girls. And then the message they send to girls is damn harmful.

That's not to say that SNSD are the ONLY ones who do this. But they ARE one of the biggest groups in kpop and they are the worst transgressors. Although Orange Caramel, another group apparently wants to fight SNSD for that title:


That picture doesn't even do justice. These girls dress up in heinous outfits straight out of a halloween costume bag: Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Alice in Wonderland. Yes, OPPA, let me be your DOLL.


Girls who want to become famous in korea not only put themselves at risk during surgery, but they also tolerate sexual transgressions, often by their own entertainment companies. This often leads girls to depression, which then leads to suicide. Countless idols or famous actors are driven to suicide by fans, antis, or the pressure of the kpop industry.

Fans aren't above breaking the law to support their groups. Chinese fans of Super Junior stole Korean Social Security numbers just so their could vote in korean website polls. The disgusting part about this is that people were trying to JUSTIFY IT. That's kpop idol worship for you.

Oh and you know how the G20 Summit was held in South Korea... they used kpop idols to attract attention. There were all these G20 summit songs by idols, idols all in ceremonies...but what do these idols have to do with the summit? Like, why?

The thing about kpop, I would argue a part that makes kpop what it is, is that it takes itself SO SERIOUSLY. All the the things above are representative of that. Fans stan HARD. So much so, that they lose sight of bigger more important things going on around them. They lose touch with reality. It's the thing that pisses me off the most about kpop. Because it makes something light-hearted and entertaining in its most basic form, and transforms it into this disgusting thing.

And I personally hate all the anti-fans and cafes. These people who get to hide behind their computers but spam kpop idol's twitter accounts, their home pages, who get to comment on every article written... they don't realize the power they hold. They get to bitch and criticize, causing sometimes fatal results, and for what? they put in SO much time and effort hating... but why? just to be mean spirited? cant they put all that energy into something positive? where do they get the nerve? I dont understand it.

So I'm not embarrassed to say that I like kpop. I'm upset and horrified that I like it. Even my bias, YG/Big Bang/2ne1 has its share of fanaticism--even as they try to be more about the music (which is why I like them and not other groups/companies). I'm beginning to think I should be a fan of the group over kpop in general, because I'm so disenchanted with it.

Let me leave you with the example that will take the cake. I could have used this one example to show all things wrong with kpop: fan sends idol bloody fan letter sprinkled with pubic hair.

That's the bat. shit. crazy stuff that happens in kpop. And kpop wonders why it isnt more reputable.

Welcome December

What is with this year and me having to make all these grown up decisions about my life? First, it was the decision of what to do after I graduated (move to Philly to attend UPENN). Second it was the decision to quit UPenn & move back home. Third, it was the decision to throw caution to the wind and head to Korea to try and make it as a english teacher there. And now comes the wrench to foil all of my Korea plans-- the local community colleges are hiring in both HUMANITIES & HISTORY. Great. The thing that I'd hope would come to me AFTER I got back from Korea...happens to me before I get there.

So now I have to choose between Korea and my "career." Or, in another sense, I'm standing at the crossroads between being a slightly irresponsible 20something, and a full fledged grown up. Damn you 25 for being so in-between. Do I choose my one last hurrah--quite possibly the last time I'll ever have in my life to just pack up and go anywhere? or do I buckle down and do what's more stable for me in the long run?

Everyone keeps telling me that Korea can wait. That it'll always be there. But I disagree. Because once you're locked into a career--and the teaching positions are TENURE TRACK so I'd be locked in for the next few years--you can't just pick up at go. As you get older, it gets harder to do. That's why a lot of people don't go. They wait until they've made a little bit more money, they've been at their jobs just that much longer, until they've paid off the house, car, children's tuition. Before they know it, they've left that moment of carefree going for when they've retired.

I don't want that. I don't think I could stand the wait.

But at the same time, I can't ignore the fact that this opportunity is a rare thing. I've been watching out for something to open up for the past 2 years.

I'm just going to apply & see what happens. I will try & not just throw together some BS application. But I'm also terribly scared for the outcome. I'm half in agony.