Happiness is __________________________.

For many people, happiness is money, family, friends, fame, love, laughs, moments, the stuff of life.

I, unfortunately, am one of those people who never know they are happy until they are made to be unhappy. so for me, happiness comes in waves of not being unhappy. which is, in itself, pitiful.

I'm in the process of re-evaluating my life because its gotten to the point where its far to complicated for my liking. Its exhausting. so I've gotta look at my wants, needs, goals and that which I can do without. school? oh so necessary. work? ehh I need a job but my place of employment is up for change. family? I'm stuck with them. friends? as cliche as it sounds, they've stuck with me through everything. before I was anything, they were there, so they stay.
the bf? now this is where it gets complicated. its odd though, that I should be thinking this because this is the one part that I thought I would be so sure of, and would never have to reconsider. and so that brings us to the question of why, out of all those aspects, would I even consider ending this relationship? perhaps the easiest answer, and by far the simplest, is that, honestly, I've lived 22 years on my own (with family and friends of course) and have done just fine. I've not done too bad for what I've been able to accomplish on my own, and without this relationship, everything is manageable for me. and theres still so much more I want to do but I can never get a grasp on my life. do you think I really would have done half as much as I have if I were caught up in relationships? but the key to al that argumentation is that that was how I was and how my life was before. Before the summer, and before this love, and before this hope. would it even be possible for me to just go back to what I was before and still be as content as I once was? And why is my answer to just run and jump ship? Why can't I stick around to make it work, if only because there's not another option? And am I just finding excuses because its hard and I dont know what to do with myself? And why can't I say this to his face? Why can't love be enough? Because the issue at hand is not whether or not I love him. it comes down to timing, and I wont let him wait for me. Its not fair to either or us.