COGITO ERGO SUM?

Last night was my last class for my magic course and for as much work as it has been, I really enjoyed the class and the teacher and the people. We sat around for most of the class discussing the possibilites of our futures and what it means to be not only a scholar, but a historian. Granted, I don't really consider myself a historian but then neither do I consider myself a classicist but rather somewhere in between. Anyway, we had a really good discussion because our prof basically told us everything we needed to know about the "business" of being a scholar, the good and the bad, and realistic expectations we should all know going forward in our education. Pretty much all of us want to get our PhDs, and we all had our worries and questions. Where I fit in this equation is somewhere on the fence. I say that only because while I would like to get my doctorate, I know what I look like on paper and thats not very promising. Plus, a lot of the time I feel out of my league when parlaying with actual graduate students. Not to mention that I hate schmoozing--but I suppose I can never get away from it. networking is such a bastard. 

So that leaves me...guarded, I suppose. And by that I mean that I am proceeding in a certain direction, but I'm absolutely leaving myself open for LIFE. And just because I dont want to vocally commit to something does not mean that I'm wishy-washy either. I just dont like to be disappointed.