The Good Kind of Cry.

Every once and a while, I enjoy a good cry. Not the glossy-eyed, dab away a few tears with a tissue, oh thats so sad, kind of cry. But the ugly, runny nose, rib shaking, gutteral sobbing, pillow in your face kind of cry. Although some people may think I'm crazy, and others just won't understand, I think there's just something cathardic about releasing all those emotions.

I'm naturally prone to tears. I cry too easily, its often embarrassing, and usually over something random and quite often than not, silly. I dont know if its whether I'm just a big cry baby, or because I've had my share of dark days, which makes me feel more than I ought. In my saddest moments, in the darkest years of my life, crying was a natural response to the everyday, every hour, every sunrise and saving sunset. I shed so many salty tears that their taste was familial, and the welling up of my eyes, not unexpected. Crying was an everyday occurance. I was acutely aware of my saddess, of my feelings, of what made me the happiest, and the times I felt despair.

Now that those days have passed, I still cry, but I hardly have those really good kinds of cries anymore. I can only get them by visiting with some sort of media, whether a movie, or book or something else that touches on what it means to live in a world that is beyond your control and reaches beyond the page, beyond the screen, and hits the shakes the bones within you. These days, I am less aware, less in touch, with the feelings of my own mind and soul. That's why I love the good kinds of cries. They put me back in touch with myself, with the emotions of my life, and make me feel something inherently personal that it strikes me as something essentially human. So while I may cry because I read something sad in a book, I am, almost always, never crying simply because of it.

And for a time afterwards, I do feel sad, but its a great time to reflect and meditate. I never feel like that being sad is neccessarily bad. An intensified awareness of yourself, I think, is never a bad thing.