Breaking it down

Have I mentioned this yet? I can't remember. But in trying to figure out what to do with my life after May 20th, I have been casually applying to random things--jobs and schools mostly. And on a whim, I applied to both Penn and UCLA's post-bac program in Classics (yes, going back to my roots). Basically, the programs run about a year long and focus on classical languages (ancient Greek and ancient Latin); at the end of the program you get a certificate that says you have a high proficiency in these two languages. hurray.

To my utter surprise, I was actually accepted into the Penn program. OH EM GEE. UCLA, I'm still waiting for you. I'm hoping to hear from them today actually **crosses fingers**. It's strange though, because before I had too many options (which effectively meant I had no options), and now I have actually have some choices before me. Where am I? Well, I'm perched on that proverbial fence. Sipping on a mango mojito.

In corner 1: University of Pennslyvania
PROS:
a) East Coast and all that entails
b) Ivy league
c) Out of San Diego
CONS:
a) Maybe too far from San Diego?
b) avocado/guac/mexican food/ in-n-out?
c) academically, out of my (ivy) league

In corner 2: University of California, Los Angeles
PROS:
a) Professor that I'd want to work with for my PhD is at UCLA
b) world class institution
c) Out of San Diego
d) Still close enough to home that I can come back should I need
CONS:
a) Maybe too close to San Diego?
b) LOS ANGELES. nuff said.

All of this, of course, depends on whether I even want to go to a post-bac program. It's another year in school, another year not having a real life, another year of being financially dependent/undeveloped. It would only make sense to go to these programs if I wanted to get my PhD, and at this moment I'm not sure that I do. This wouldn't really boost my resume much--because who but PhD programs want to know that you are good at greek and latin--except to say that I was educated somewhere like Penn or UCLA. It doesn't even make my job prospects that much better--again, because no one cares that I know dead languages. So unless I'm willing to commit to going off and getting a PhD, it really doesn't make sense to go to a post-bac.

The other option I'm toying with is just getting out of san diego and working somewhere--I know, more easily said than done. But being 25 and literally having nothing to my name isn't exactly where I want to be. As much as I criticize people who go through school just so they can be financially secure (even when they hate their jobs), I'm not completely blind to the realistic need to be secure. I can't depend on my parents for the rest of my life. And I'm only getting older.

Moreover, there's this feeling that I'm just burnt out from all the schooling I've done. 7 years in college--straight through. It's enough to wear a person down, and in my case, it has. All I do now is dream of the day when I can put school, homework, SDSU behind me. The thought that I would have to pick up and start the process all over again fails to excite me, I'm sorry to say.

The thing is, though, is that I can't tell what it is that I don't want to deal with. What has made me burnt out? Is it schoolwork? Is it from my thesis, and writing the same thing for the past 3 years? Is it writing history? The reason why I'm asking this question is because I remember my senior year of college and just loving latin to death--all I wanted to do was study latin. So how did I go from there to here? I know that it shouldn't seem like a big difference, but there's a freaking ocean of difference in studying classics and studying ancient history. So am I tired of writing history? Am I tired of school because I was studying something different than what I wanted to study? Do I still love classics? If I study greek and latin all day long in this post-bac program, will that make me happy? Or will I want to cry?

So many questions. I just can't tell.

And UCLA and Penn are expensive experiments in trying to discover if I'm still really interested in this.

Want to know what I am excited about? The idea of getting away and starting over in a new place, a new city, with new people and new horizons--that excites me. When I think of going to Penn, the program itself doesn't excite me (if anything, it horrifies me)--but the idea of moving out of Philadelphia and finding a place to live and figuring out a new city and carving out a niche for myself within that new city--that's all pretty darn exciting. But again, I shouldn't accept Penn and commit to that program just so I can move to Philadelphia. I'll just end up hating everything if I go for the wrong reasons.

So there it is. I have a huge decision to make this week, and all of these things are weighing on my mind. I have to let Penn know by Thursday, so if I don't hear from UCLA by the end of today, I'm just gonna eliminate it from my list of possibilities.

I'll update once I know what I'm doing, but I'm curious as to your thoughts on the topic. What would you do if you were me?