Gah!

gosh, I wish I were brave and courageous and that sometimes I could seize life by the reins and just go. I wish I were more proactive, instead of laying in my bed in front of my laptop watching youtube videos and visiting fashion blogs (...not that there's anything wrong with that, you you get my point). I want to do so many things like take up piano, get myself to the gym, read more, spend time with friends more, cook more, take up spanish/french/italian again, but I just don't. And the worst part is that nothing is preventing me, nothing really, from doing all these things. I could take up lessons, I could take a class, I could do something and be more than I am. Maybe its just the end of the year that's making me think/feel this way. But I think not, since I've done a lot of thinking this year and these sort of thoughts were always with me. Its just that these sort of thoughts are brought more to the forefront because another year is ending (and OMG am I turning 25 next year?!) and aspects of our daily lives, our accomplishments, our failures, our humanity and mortality become more apparent. Have I lived the way I wanted? In a way that makes me happy? Am I proud to call my life my own? What have I learned? As much as it may depress the heck outta me, I think these are all questions to ask ourselves, regardless of if its the end of the year or not. Being aware of ourselves, of our actions, of our words, and taking responsibility for them are all part of growth, I think.

In any case, gosh, I need to make a more conscious effort to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk haha.